One of my all time favorite indulgences is spa treatments. One of my all time biggest pet peeves is wasted money and time on bad spa treatments. Therefore, I hope my reviews and experiences can help with your next pamper day, as well as, offer a little comic relief every now and then.
Spa: Mayflower Inn (Washington, CT)
Treatment: Smooth-as-Silk Scrub, $165/60 min.
Spa Description: "Smooth-as-Silk Scrub, the ultimate in all-natural exfoliation using sugar and sea salt scrubs created especially for the Spa. Your scrub will be followed by a rich, smoothing shea butter application and massage."
Bullshit Meter: The bullshit (BS) meter describes whether the Spa description is accurate or whether it makes outlandish claims like it’s going to make my ass three sizes smaller or I’m going to walk away feeling like I just danced the Rumba with Gilles Marini. It is based on a scale from 1 – 10 (1 being low bullshit, 10 being high bullshit). I use the BS meter because I’m a marketer’s wet dream, I fall for this fluff all the time. I buy things because they are packaged nicely or because they are in cute, little kits. And this happens to me at spas because I fall in love with the descriptions, make an appt, climb upon the table, and have things done to my body. Then I walk out with a lot less money in my pocketbook and disappointed because I fell for the marketing.
So without further adieu, I would give this Spa description a 2. It is fairly spot on in explaining what you and your body are about to go through in the next hour. I didn’t give it a 1 because they use the word “ultimate” in the description, now I don’t know if I would go as far as to describe it as the “ultimate.” Also, there are three scrubs you can choose and only one is made especially for the Spa not all three.
LA’s Experience (LAX): The pony-tailed man with the blue eyes retrieves me from the Garden Room to take me down to a room that is basically a huge shower with a massage table in the middle of it. He proceeds to tell me what is about to happen during the service because I’ve never had a Scrub before, and then he offers me a choice of three sea salts. They all smell different, one is a subtle floral scent, it has a calming effect, the second one is kinda spicy and invigorating, and the third smells a tad like BO to me. I scrunch my nose up at it and he then informs me that that’s the one made especially for the spa. Oops. I choose the first option.
He leaves the room and I climb up on the table, face down. He returns, asks what type of music I would like, I choose Classical, I wasn’t in the mood for sitars today. He begins the service by rubbing sea salts on my back, arms, and legs. It hurts a little and the friction creates a burning sensation, not bad, but if he rubs in the same spot too long, little boy scout here, might strike a spark. As I try to relax with my head in the round massage holder, I think of what my face looks like right about now. It’s all pushed together into this hole, I can’t see out of my right eye because the covering of the holder is blocking my view, and I have a runny nose so every now and then I have to sniffle so as not to leave a puddle. (I know, not very lady-like, but this stuff happens to me.) So then I think, what if someone took a picture of me right now? Ha! That would be a sight. Then I think what a brilliant idea….if I could take a picture of people while they were having spa services with their faces all shoved into that round face holder. Can you imagine all the different looks you’d get, it would make a great coffee table book! These are the things I think about while having a stranger sandpaper my ass. Speaking of sandpaper…as my guy continues to rub sea salt on me, I think I really could’ve gotten this service at home and for a whole hell of a lot less money. Helpful Martha do-it-yourself tip: next time you want a scrub, go down to your local hardware store buy a course sheet of sandpaper (40-grit), go home, light some candles, turn on Bach, and have your partner scrub you down! It’ll be basically the same.
Anyway, after the scrubbing he sweeps me off, yes literally sweeps me off with a small, hand broom. Then, asks me to sit up with my hands across my chest to hold the towel in place. Now this is where spa service treatments get tricky, you have to listen very carefully to the towel instructions or you’ll end up buck “nekked” standing there in front of pony-tail man.
He leaves the room so that I can move from the table to the shower. But before going, he informs me that he will return to prepare the table for the massage portion of the treatment. With that he pulls the curtain closed between the shower and the massage table. I proceed to the shower while pondering how this is all going to work. As I’m washing the grit off of me from the sea salt, I hear him return. Ok this is awkward, a strange man is about 5 feet from me, in the same room, while I shower. My shower taking speeds up to a quick pace, and after another tricky maneuver with the towel, I’m back on the table ready for my rub down. Whew! From here on out it’s pure bliss, a deep tissue massage at it’s finest.
Recommendation: If you only have time and/or money for one service always go with your standard massage (either European or deep tissue). If it’s the changing of the seasons and you have the resources then definitely consider the Smooth-as Silk Scrub for a good exfoliation. But make sure to get a massage of some sort after because the scrub portion isn’t necessarily all that relaxing. This particular service came with a massage after the exfoliation, but if your scrub doesn’t include one I suggest some type of service added on in order to moisturize your smooth bum!
